Saturday, January 31, 2015

Sports Briefs: At Media Day 2015, I'd Like to Ask . . .

(Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie didn't attend Media Day at Super Boxl XLIX in Glendale, Ariz., but if they did, here is what they would have asked members of the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: I'd like to ask Tom Brady if playing with regulation football pressure is going to affect his game.

Chris: I'd like to ask Pete Carroll if he'd be willing to trade a first-round draft pick if the NFL gave him the freedom to record the Patriots' practices.

Ralphie: I would like to ask Tom Brady if he knows what the football is SUPPOSED to feel like.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Youngerts' Super Bowl XLIX Predictions

(By Chris, Editor in Chief of and the adult writer of the Gab Four, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

It has been said of children that they are our future; that they will lead us; that they are much easier to track down than celebrities.

Therefore, who better to gather Super Bowl predictions from than a group of elementary school students? They are eager to discuss the fates of the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLIX. And after the game, those who predicted the winning team will receive a boost of confidence comparable only to staying at a Holiday Inn Express.

Here are the responses from my wife, Mrs. Wilson's, third grade class of youngerts in McGregor, Texas.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Adventures with George - No. 99

(By David Forbes Brown)
(Read like the guy at the beginning of "Lost") "PREVIOUSLY, ON ADVENTURES WITH GEORGE"
This story is non-fiction. The following happened: George Herman "Babe" Ruth woke up in the year 2016 to find himself in a military plane, being debriefed for a highly secret mission by General David Petraeus. Time-travel wormholes were discovered in caves on the 4,600 islands off the coast of Maine. The wormholes were stable gateways to NYC in the year 1927. According to Petraeus, a "time-criminal" went through and killed Babe Ruth. Petraeus and his secret rogue unit sent an agent to an earlier date in 1927, drugged the Babe and brought him to 2016, purporting that they had saved his life. But did they? They prepared him to go back through time, but right before he stepped into the wormhole, he suddenly disappeared--erased from existence. Petraeus' men found that the wormholes were being created, and the number of them was growing. They decided to follow the Babe into the most recent one, which trapped them in the past, on a Maine island with Native American warriors. George befriended the Natives and concluded that Petraeus was an evil man. Petraeus and his men disappeared--their timelines changed--as an odd Red Sox fan named David Brown arrived, who helped George and the tribal warriors take down yet another version of Petraeus. Brown said that it was time for George to go back to 1927 and restore the timeline, but he refused, forcing Brown to send them back in time to save the Native Americans who were killed by Petraeus and his flunkies. Their mission was a success, but they got trapped in the 1970s. Luckily, they made it back to 2016, and from there, successfully brought the Babe home. But, Petraeus somehow fractured the timeline and keeps appearing and disappearing--a constant threat to their lives. To escape him, they had to blindly go into the past--with Mrs. Pembrookleton in tow--and again appeared in the Bar Harbor 1970's golf course at the same time as their previous selves! They escaped themselves, making their way to the other side of the island. But then they had to kill a teenage version of Petraeus. And now, hordes of Petraeus clones are following them through time, and they've accidentally picked up a teenage Lucille Ball. They've joined Carl Sagan in 2016.
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