Sports Junkie: Rice TKO's His Girlfriend, and She Apologizes!

(By Larry Merryfield)

Sports followers, I hope you will stay with me this week and let me get up on my soapbox, but I have something that needs to be said. The NFL is in trouble again. Earlier this year a story came out that involved the running back for the Baltimore Ravens, Ray Rice. Let me say this first: I am in favor of Janay Palmer Rice. There is no reason for allegedly ever doing what Rice did to her. I don’t care what she might have been doing to him.

Adventures with George - No. 77

(By David Forbes Brown)

 

(Read like the guy at the beginning of "Lost") "PREVIOUSLY, ON ADVENTURES WITH GEORGE":

This story is non-fiction. The following happened: George Herman "Babe" Ruth woke up in the year 2016 to find himself in a military plane, being debriefed for a highly secret mission by General David Petraeus. Time-travel wormholes were discovered in caves on the 4,600 islands off the coast of Maine. The wormholes were stable gateways to NYC in the year 1927. According to Petraeus, a "time-criminal" went through and killed Babe Ruth. Petraeus and his secret rogue unit sent an agent to an earlier date in 1927, drugged the Babe and brought him to 2016, purporting that they had saved his life. But did they? They prepared him to go back through time, but right before he stepped into the wormhole, he suddenly disappeared--erased from existence. Petraeus' men found that the wormholes were being created, and the number of them was growing. They decided to follow the Babe into the most recent one, which trapped them in the past, on a Maine island with Native American warriors. George befriended the Natives and concluded that Petraeus was an evil man. Petraeus and his men disappeared--their timelines changed--as an odd Red Sox fan named David Brown arrived, who helped George and the tribal warriors take down yet another version of Petraeus. Brown said that it was time for George to go back to 1927 and restore the timeline, but he refused, forcing Brown to send them back in time to save the Native Americans who were killed by Petraeus and his flunkies. Their mission was a success, but they got trapped in the 1970s. Luckily, they made it back to 2016, and from there, successfully brought the Babe home. But, Petraeus somehow fractured the timeline and keeps appearing and disappearing--a constant threat to their lives. To escape him, they had to blindly go into the past--with Mrs. Pembrookleton in tow--and again appeared in the Bar Harbor 1970's golf course at the same time as their previous selves! They escaped themselves, making their way to the other side of the island. But then they had to kill a teenage version of Petraeus. And now, hordes of sickly Petraeus clones are following them through time.

On the Screws: That's Some Class!

(By Ryan Morrow)

On Sunday, Cooperstown welcomed arguably the best class in the history of the MLB Hall of Fame. The six, first-ballot legends enshrined into “The Hall” were Frank Thomas, Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux and managers Bobby Cox, Joe Torre and Tony La Russa.