Monday, October 20, 2014

Adventures with George - No. 87

(By David Forbes Brown) 

(Read like the guy at the beginning of "Lost") "PREVIOUSLY, ON ADVENTURES WITH GEORGE":

This story is non-fiction. The following happened: George Herman "Babe" Ruth woke up in the year 2016 to find himself in a military plane, being debriefed for a highly secret mission by General David Petraeus. Time-travel wormholes were discovered in caves on the 4,600 islands off the coast of Maine. The wormholes were stable gateways to NYC in the year 1927. According to Petraeus, a "time-criminal" went through and killed Babe Ruth. Petraeus and his secret rogue unit sent an agent to an earlier date in 1927, drugged the Babe and brought him to 2016, purporting that they had saved his life. But did they? They prepared him to go back through time, but right before he stepped into the wormhole, he suddenly disappeared--erased from existence. Petraeus' men found that the wormholes were being created, and the number of them was growing. They decided to follow the Babe into the most recent one, which trapped them in the past, on a Maine island with Native American warriors. George befriended the Natives and concluded that Petraeus was an evil man. Petraeus and his men disappeared--their timelines changed--as an odd Red Sox fan named David Brown arrived, who helped George and the tribal warriors take down yet another version of Petraeus. Brown said that it was time for George to go back to 1927 and restore the timeline, but he refused, forcing Brown to send them back in time to save the Native Americans who were killed by Petraeus and his flunkies. Their mission was a success, but they got trapped in the 1970s. Luckily, they made it back to 2016, and from there, successfully brought the Babe home. But, Petraeus somehow fractured the timeline and keeps appearing and disappearing--a constant threat to their lives. To escape him, they had to blindly go into the past--with Mrs. Pembrookleton in tow--and again appeared in the Bar Harbor 1970's golf course at the same time as their previous selves! They escaped themselves, making their way to the other side of the island. But then they had to kill a teenage version of Petraeus. And now, hordes of Petraeus clones are following them through time.

On the Screws: 2014 World Series

(By Ryan Morrow)

This year’s World Series has been set, as Tuesday we will see the Kansas City Royals (89-73) and the San Francisco Giants (88-74) take the field.

I have to admit the idea of an all wild-card series isn’t the most exciting series on paper, but these two teams have beaten everyone placed in front of them in the postseason. The last I checked, that’s what every team has done on their way to a World Series championship . . . right?

Friday, October 17, 2014

Sports Briefs: U2's Songs of Innocence Sports Headlines

(Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Chris: If the growing fad of texting is contributing to either the downfall of civilization or society’s inability to spell, I hope that referring to the band U2 as “You Too” will demonstrate my willingness to follow “The Associated Press Stylebook” and display a lack of necessity to use Spell Check in this opening paragraf. I may not feel innocent pilfering “You Too’s” compositions to use as headlines for already-finished columns. But pilfering song titles from “Songs of Innocence” and determining what sports story best coincides with them demonstrates extraordinary wherewithal, which will be my defense should I be issued a court summons.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...