Sports Briefs: They're No Saints

Joe: The Saints' bounty system, if true as it is being portrayed, stinks. The NFL has sunk to a new all-time low, and similar to the explosion of the concussion rule, they probably knew about it all the time but buried their heads in the sand.

Ralphie: I'm not really surprised. They kind of seem like a team of bad guys; that's why I don't like them.

Chris: New Orleans winning a Super Bowl and then being accused of shameful behavior only confirms my suspicions that something was afoul. Signing Boba Fett to play safety, only for him to subsequently move into a lavish apartment and go on an intergalactic spending spree, roused my awareness.

Brad: It's a bunch of BS. Just goes to show that bullying is everywhere, and money is the most important thing.

Joe: The participants in this atrocity should be banned from football. Period. The teams involved should be fined a minimum of $10M. The chance of any of this happening is 0 percent, because the NFL is complicit in the scheme.

Ralphie: I think they should be on probation at least. There should definitely be a consequence.

Brad: It seems that it is too widespread to punish everyone at this point. Especially if there are no regulations forbidding it. I think that some new rules and regs should come out of this mess.

Chris: When it came time to deciding his career options, Han Solo must be very grateful to have turned down Minnesota’s offer of their starting quarterback job in 2009. Ironically, the Vikings turned to Brett Favre, who was incapable of missing games, thus thwarting the Saints’ plans.

Joe: If I was a recipient of the bounty system, I'd hire a good lawyer and sue their pants off.

Brad: What would you be able to do? Would you be able to prove that a particular hit was a result of this bounty program? There would be no way to be sure which hits were intentionally over the limit and which were just hard hits.

Ralphie: I don't guess there's much they can do, but they can learn a lesson about what not to do.

Chris: Does Gregg Williams being exposed mean the 2012 St. Louis Rams defense will not be featuring anyone named Duane “Dog” Chapman? 

Joe: Had I been a player for the Saints in this system, I'd have been a "qui tam." For those who are not up on their Latin--"whistleblower."

Chris: I am often accused of whistleblowing when wearing a black and white vertical-striped shirt and tight black pants in public.

Ralphie: I would never participate in the bounty system because it's wrong. Football players should play football and be thankful for the opportunity to do it for a career. Being a good sport is important, and they should understand that winning isn't fun if you don't win fairly.

Brad: It would depend on whether my employment with the Saints depended on my participation.

Joe: The NFL is a participant in the system, and when, ever, does the devil shame himself? Now that the scheme has been exposed, you can expect the NFL to act horrified and do nothing meaningful.

Ralphie: There should be really bad consequences so that people won't want to have any part of a bounty system.

Brad: Completely overhaul the entire NFL. Or at least make some new rules. And enforce them. Make more of a checks and balances system to make more higher ups responsible for these types of strategies.

Chris: Those looking to oust Roger Goodell as NFL commissioner should look to throwing their support and financial donations to Admiral Firmus Piett. Vehemently opposed by Darth Vader and Coach Williams, the Admiral's campaign slogan remains, “Bounty hunters, we don’t need their scum.”

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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