Sports Briefs: Leaving MLB Camps

Joe: The Baltimore Orioles still need to work on getting their starting players' batting averages above the ".200s," or they can just let the season be a glorious day at the Yards.

Chris: The Boston Red Sox still need to work on encouraging their pitching staff to avoid walks, high pitch counts and Popeyes Chicken.

Brad: The New York Yankees still need to work on selling more than just Derek Jeter jerseys.

Ralphie: The Tampa Bay Rays still need to work on beating the Yankees.

Joe: The Toronto Blue Jays still need to work on getting more speed like Anthony Gose, who stole second, third and home for the one-run win.

Chris: The Chicago White Sox still need to work on learning which of new manager Robin Ventura’s signs to follow (bunt, steal, hit-and-run) and which ones to completely ignore (charge the mound should you get beaned by a pitcher twice your age).

Brad: The Cleveland Indians still need to work on winning a season opener. Or at least play a shorter game.

Ralphie: The Detroit Tigers still need to work on getting the lineup to support Fielder.

Joe: The Kansas City Royals still need to work on switching to pink bats for the entire season. It probably won't help their game, but it would be good for a good cause.

Chris: The Minnesota Twins still need to work on incorporating thermal underwear into the team’s promotional giveaway schedule.

Brad: The Los Angeles Angels still need to work on teaching Torii Hunter how to work security codes. He set off his home alarm, what's he gonna do at the stadium?

Ralphie: The Oakland Athletics still need to work on getting the pitching rotation set.

Joe: The Seattle Mariners still need to work on maintaining their Cactus league standings throughout the regular season.

Chris: The Texas Rangers still need to work on explaining to their fans that, even though the organization may be hexed, they cannot inherit the Curse of the Bambino or the Curse of the Billy Goat for marketing purposes.

Brad: The Atlanta Braves still need to work on not injuring themselves this year. Of course, since there were so many out last year, this year will seem like a whole new roster.

Ralphie: The Miami Marlins still need to work on getting over losing the Pujols sweepstakes and the new name and stadium.

Joe: The New York Mets still need to work on maintaining their "power pack" on the field as well as off the field ($22 gets you a ticket, burger/dog, fries and soda--in New York that is a power pack). The on-field power pack left them in last place in spring training.

Chris: The Philadelphia Phillies still need to work on installing an Acorn Stairlift for Jim Thome to ride to first base on.

Brad: The Washington Nationals still need to work on being taken seriously as a baseball force to be reckoned with. Seriously.

Ralphie: The Chicago Cubs still need to work on breaking the jinx with the new leadership.

Joe: The Cincinnati Reds still need to work on looking as good on the field as they do on paper. I predict they won't, even with Votto's big deal; and that makes this Baker's last season.

Chris: The Houston Astros still need to work on purchasing an adequate number of “Hello, my name is” stickers for their team to wear during social gatherings, team functions and games.

Brad: The Milwaukee Brewers still need to work on Ryan Braun's popularity. After all, he just wants to play ball, right?

Ralphie: The Pittsburgh Pirates still need to work on getting all the young players to believe they can win.

Joe: The St. Louis Cardinals don't need to work on much (their single digit losses was the best in NL spring training); other than forgetting about Albert the Great, who in the end turned out not to be so great in person.

Chris: The Arizona Diamondbacks still need to work on refraining Kirk Gibson from his repeated and somewhat violent attempts to grab a bat and pinch hit late in ballgames.

Brad: The Colorado Rockies still need to work on vomiting without pulling muscles.

Ralphie: The Los Angeles Dodgers still need to work on playing better regardless who the owner is.

Joe: The San Diego Padres still need to work on getting better weather. Really, 16 all time rainouts--ridiculous.

Chris: The San Francisco Giants still need to work on denying anyone with the first name of “Delilah” or the last name of “Scissorhands” a media request or press pass into games to interview Brian Wilson.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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