Sports Briefs: Fine Woods Working

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Joe: The performance of Tiger Woods at the 2012 Memorial mirrored his overall performance over the last years--some ups some downs and then "the shot," and he birdies three of the last four holes.

Brad: I think he had a good round. I normally don't watch, but I had tuned in this time. What really impressed me, though, was his shot on the 16th. I have never seen a shot like that. I didn't even mind the Jersey fist pump.

Ralphie: He did a really good job, but I'm not all that excited that he won. I don't really like him.

Chris: I heard Tiger Woods tied Jack's PGA career wins record, which wasn’t that impressive. The accolades should go to Jack, who somehow managed to become an accomplished golfer while still having an illustrious film career, never missing a Lakers game and always wearing sunglasses, even at night.

Brad: I think it was definitely a great step in the right direction. There was such an adrenaline rush watching as he brought it full force in the last stretch. It was refreshing to be waiting to see what he was going to pull off next.

Chris: Tiger's best displays in the past have involved temper tantrums and hurling his clubs as if they were javelins, never once being grabbed by the arm and drug away by his mother. This could have served as an inspiration to me in elementary school every time I was determined to get my way.

Joe: The US Open should prove the test that Tiger needs to see if the Palmer and Memorial were just good tournaments or the start of a new, winning Tiger.

Brad: I am expecting him to still be on a winning rush and do well in the Open.

Ralphie: It will build his confidence. He'll probably do OK, but I don't think he will win.

Joe: Tiger Woods in the upcoming US Open is much like throwing dice. Pass or Don't Pass--no in between.

Brad: I think if Tiger succeeded, it would renew interest in golf among a younger fan base, as well as an older fan base. I would like to continue to be interested in watching his matches.

Ralphie: I don't really care if he does or doesn't. I think sports players should be good role models, and he's not one. I think he has lost a lot of his fans.

Chris: Apart from his numerous conquests (by which I mean “PGA victories” as opposed to “adulterous encounters with females of ill-repute”), Woods has transformed into one of the sports world’s most enjoyable figures to see fail. Alongside Woods are a three-time MVP who enjoys playing hot potato with the basketball during crunch time; a retired home run leader with an enormous cranium; and a quarterback turned canine boxing promoter turned inmate turned quarterback.

Joe: Tiger Woods becoming the player he used to be will be good for golf. Whether it will be good for him personally, no one knows that answer.

Ralphie: I liked him before he kissed all those other girls, but since he was married, he shouldn't have done that. I was really disappointed in him.

Brad: Not having heard much about him in that department, I guess he must be doing something for the better. Plus, he is starting to get commercial deals again, so that's another positive step. Eh, I suppose it's only a matter of time, though, before a tabloid gets ahold of something and makes it headline news

Chris: Tiger Woods' past accomplishments, high-profile status and soft plump lips seem to persuade club owners and company presidents to overlook his talent at committing indiscretions. Imagine the euphoria that would be felt by the president of Cash4Gold if Woods were to sell his collection of trophies. However, anyone who behaved in a similar fashion to Woods would be resigned to using one of the Three Stooges' discarded "Press" badges (or if they’re unlucky, the "Pull" badge) to sneak into a golf place.

Joe: Tiger has worked on changing his golf swing; I don't think that he has changed his persona very much, and I don't believe he will in the future.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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