Sports Briefs: 2012 NBA Finals Media Day

(The Gab Four didn't attend Media Day at the 2012 NBA Finals, mainly because there was no Media Day. But had there been, here is what they would have liked to ask members of the Oklahoma City Thunder and Miami Heat . . . Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: I'd like to ask James and Wade, what's with the stupid no-lens glasses in post-game news conferences?

Chris: I’d like to ask LeBron James if he’s noticed that he is the only player wearing Roman numerals on his mouthpiece and if he feels it gives him a competitive advantage when it comes to winning playoff games or finding a good dentist.

Brad: I'd like to ask Kevin Durant if he is ready to play or if his feet are still cold.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James if it was hard playing against Kobe Bryant.

Joe: I'd like to ask LeBron what is wrong with giving 100 percent every game--every quarter?

Chris: I’d like to ask LeBron James why a three-time MVP routinely defers taking potential game-winning shots for his team.

Brad: I'd like to ask LeBron James if he feels like the Heat's ringer player these days.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James if he's loved basketball his whole life.

Joe: I'd like to ask the Thunder team if the extra rest is a plus or a minus?

Chris: I’d like to ask Kevin Durant and Royal Ivey how it's possible for Longhorns to peacefully reside in Oklahoma.

Brad: I'd like to ask Terrel Harris if it is humbling coming back to play where he went to college? This time he is on the “opposing team,” so how will how will that affect his game? Does he think it will be a boost to perform better or more of a welcoming home?

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "Do you sweat after every game?"

Joe: I'd like to ask Durant what is more important, your matchup with LeBron or the Heat-Thunder matchup?

Chris: I’d like to ask LeBron James how it feels for the league MVP to not even be the MVP of his own team.

Brad: I'd like to ask Rumble the Bison if he ever feels like Teen Wolf.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "Do you go on a train or a car to games?"

Joe: I'd like to ask LeBron what is more important, your matchup with KD or the Heat-Thunder matchup?

Chris: I’d like to ask James Harden if he has ever smuggled anything inside his beard and what is the largest object he thinks could be hidden in there?

Brad: I'd like to ask Heat coach Erik Spoelstra if he could please stop using catch phrases and just manage the team. We know you are “going to bring your will”; just pick a lineup and stick to it. How can so much flip-flopping keep anyone on top of their game?

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "Do you have any friends on the team?"

Joe: I'd like to ask Spoelstra, will you stay with Bosh in the sixth man role or reinsert him as a starter?

Chris: I’d like to ask James Harden and Ronny Turiaf what would happen if they touched beards? Would they stick together like Velcro? Get tangled up? Immediately fuse and start growing together?

Brad: I'd like to ask players of both teams how do they ready themselves for play against each other and then play as a team, like the USA Olympic team for example.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "Do you work out?"

Joe: I'd like to ask Bosh, are you a better help to your team starting or coming in as the sixth man?

Chris: I’d like to ask Dwyane Wade why he routinely takes potential game-winning shots if he considers himself to be the second-best player on his team.

Brad: I'd like to ask Mike Miller if his pain is affecting his decision to retire. It has been reported that he has made some comments pointing to retirement at the end of this season, although he says no. Does he feel fans are expecting him to retire, or is this just par for the course?

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "How hard was it working for this?"

Joe: I'd like to ask Burnie if being the only Jewish mascot in the league is kosher?

Chris: I’d like to ask Mario Chalmers how it feels to be a more clutch player than his teammate who just won the league MVP for a third time.

Brad: I'd like to ask Burnie if he likes being a fire.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "How does it feel to be a leader?"

Joe: I'd like to ask the professional sportswriters (you know who you are) who said, "The Heat can beat the Celtics, but how can they beat San Antonio?", are you guys covering the Euro soccer championships now?

Chris: I’d like to ask LeBron James where he buys his purses.

Brad: I'd like to ask coach Scott Brooks how he plans to rally his girl scout troop and get them ready to play aggressively from the get go and be able to keep it up thru the whole game.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask the Miami Heat team, "How does it feel to be on a winning team?"

Joe: I'd like to ask James and Wade if the stupid glasses are really a site gag suggesting they're Superman?

Chris: I’d like to ask Kevin Durant and Royal Ivey to flash the Hook ‘em Horns at least once during the Finals, preferably while on the trophy podium.

Brad: I'd like to ask Rumble the Bison what his favorite food is.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Lebron James, "How are you so good?"

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.


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