Sports Briefs: A Team Grows in Brooklyn

(Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: Those New York Area East-Coasters were never good at geography. The football teams play in Jersey, the basketball team is now playing in Brooklyn. I guess it's good for bridge tolls.

Chris: Bridge trolls also highly favor the Nets moving to Brooklyn. And seeing has how the Nets have been working on this move for 10 years, it’s not unreasonable to theorize that their packing and moving operations were handled by trolls, who are known to work both slowly and steadily.

Ralphie: I like it because they've moved to a bigger place, so maybe they'll have more fans.

Brad: It should help further the team. It's always sad when a city loses a major team. It can hurt the economy of the fan base area that hosted them for so long. But as far as a business move, it is a good thing so far.

Chris: Seeing as how the Nets are the first non-minor league, professional team in Brooklyn since the Dodgers’ Ebbets Field was upgraded into an apartment complex, no one could be more excited about the move than Brooklyn’s Bum mascot, assuming that he is still alive after 52 years. Though given the opportunity to rename the Nets and resurrect the Brooklyn Dodgers name, christen their new arena after Charles Ebbets and include a bridge, the color blue, a troll, a trolley car or homeless person in the new logo, I’d say the team muffed.

Joe: Hey, new logo and colors--c'mon man, it's a shield with a basketball with a "B" in black and white. Creativity in its highest form this ain't.

Brad: I think it reminds me of the NY Yankees a bit, but it's a more professional looking logo than they had.

Ralphie: I don't like it. It won't be much fun for the fans to buy Nets stuff with such plain, boring colors.

Chris: The logo, colors and soon to be released jerseys were all designed by their part-owner, part-rapper, who clearly was out of colored ink in his printer. And if said one-fifteenth of one percent owner has ever read a Marvel comic book, then he may want to take credit for designing the team’s soon to be unveiled mascot. This, of course, means that Sly the silver fox is now unemployed, though it is rumored he has taken up residence where the Bum used to live.

Ralphie: I usually like Marvel characters, so I'm excited to see it. I do think it's sad to move on from the silver fox, though.

Joe: Cool mascot, too. A knight--it will probably be a black knight.

Brad: I don't see what either has to do with the Nets. With Marvel designing it, we should be in for something good.

Chris: Batman and Monty Python’s Black Knight will both be monitoring the Nets’ mascot situation very closely to ensure no trademarks are violated.

Brad: A new setting, uniforms and mascot should definitely pump up the players and get them off on a good start. Also, the new arena, Jay-Z being involved, etc., should bring out bigger crowds, which should help boost player morale, which ultimately results in making it to the playoffs. It should be a good season watching the rivalry between the Nets and the Knicks.

Ralphie: I don't think they'll make the playoffs. I really think they'll probably play about the same.

Joe: The Nets of Brooklyn will still have to press to win 25 games (no pun intended) and miss the playoffs again.

Chris: Relocating and adding Joe Johnson to a team that finished 22-44 last season is part of owner Mikhail Prokhorov’s plan to win the NBA Finals by 2015. This will turn out to be an ideal strategy, providing that David Stern selects the Nets as next year’s team to rig the draft for. Given Prokhorov’s and Stern’s connections to the mafia, I’d say it’s never too early to begin championship ring shopping.

Joe: Mikhail, one of Yeltsin's proteges, capitalized (no pun intended) on the positions granted him by Yeltsin and took over what is now Russia’s largest gold producing company at a time where the price of gold was skyrocketing (enough for the history lesson). What's he know about American basketball?

Brad: He is on the right path to achieving his goal. You can't make a winning team overnight. It is a process of steps forward toward your goal. This year should show how close he is to the Nets winning the Finals.

Ralphie: I think it CAN be, but I don't think it WILL be.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.


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