Sports Briefs: Forgetting Obama and Romney

(Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Chris: As convincing as all of the campaign rhetoric and political advertisements are, there has yet to be a stump speech as thoroughly intimidating as one delivered by a gorilla. It seems gorillas have a somewhat supernatural ability to get one to cast a ballot by using scare tactics. I live a few counties away from Seattle, in a zoning district known as Texas, but I am strongly considering decorating my lawn with “Vote for Adrian Hanauer” yard signs, showing my support for the Sounders’ general manager, simply because a large ape named Civ told me to.

Joe: Having fans vote to confirm or change management as the Seattle Sounders are doing is like having the inmates vote on the daily menu. Perhaps the vote should include firing the owners.

Brad: The fans have been involved with decisions for the team since the beginning, when they voted for the team name. Being able to have such a part in the team seems like it will interest a larger fan base than if all you could do was buy a ticket and watch the game. It puts you in the action as if you were right there with the coach deciding plays.

Chris: Would it be considered unethical to hang my chad in support of Hanauer? Only season ticket holders and members of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos Lodge have a right to vote. Would suspicions be aroused if I were to register, claiming that I commute to games?

Brad: I would like to see it with more teams here. I have been a soccer fan since I was little, and I would love to see the enthusiasm here that you see from fans around the world.

Joe: If European soccer fans vote on their management, that's all the reason why we should not. Sports franchises are businesses; run them that way. And that goes for all sports franchises.

Brad: Building a larger fan base would definitely be a positive. But at the same time, it could affect the fans if a favorite was voted out. I think a neat spin on this would be the ability to vote players, coaches, etc., into positions as well as voting them out.

Joe: There are no positive or negatives in their stunt. It's just plain silly.

Chris: Hanauer should be thankful part-owner Drew Carey does not, as least publicly, decide his salary based on a spin of “The Price is Right’s” Big Wheel.

Joe: Publicity stunts probably mean the Sounders are probably going broke. Fix the message not the messenger.

Chris: I'm all for fan voting to replace GMs, coaches, etc., and possibly extending this concept to other fields, including restaurant servers and telemarketers. I am all for this until I or someone I know gets voted out or until ordinary citizens begin having to wear buttons, display yard signs and campaign for themselves.

Brad: Not sure that I would go that far. Then it could backfire, and someone could get voted out after just having a bad day. There would have to be a lot of thought out into exactly how that process would work if they included coaches and players.

Joe: The only people who are voted upon are politicians, and I personally don't want to be a politician.

Chris: President Obama or Governor Romney would garner an infestation of votes if they campaigned dressed as primates.

Brad: I think I would like the challenge of needing to keep people wanting me in a job, but I also think it would add a lot of stress on top of the job responsibilities. I would probably prefer a job based on merit and left up to one boss.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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