Sports Briefs: Black Friday with the Atlanta Falcons

(Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Chris: They have the best record in the NFL. The Super Bowl will be played in a dome, two states away from them. All that stands between the Atlanta Falcons and the Lombardi Trophy is forgoing sleep, in order to take advantage of the biggest shopping day of the year. And I would recommend the Falcons wear their black jerseys, should they encounter long lines during the early morning sales, in order to promote cowardice and intimidation amongst holiday shoppers.

Ralphie: I like all of their black. I think it makes them look tough.

Brad: I actually like the Falcons' uniforms. They are very similar to the Redskins and the Cardinals uniforms, though. I think the black works nice with their design.

Joe: Atlanta Falcons' uniforms, in this Nike redesign year, didn't really go much of a redesign other than fabric, according to Nike. The helmets remained black, and they have a black jersey, which they only wore against Carolina and New Orleans. Otherwise, red and white are predominate colors, unless you count their workout black sweats. Their logo reminds me of those kids' cardboard airplanes, where you insert the head onto the body and fling it. But the gloves, you need to interlock the fingers to see the logo--cool.

Ralphie: My dad loves to shop for Black Friday, but my mom hates it. My dad likes for my mommy to be happy, so we don't ever go out on Black Friday.

Chris: The Black Friday sale papers in Thursday’s newspaper are usually so enormous that a stack of them can completely eclipse Jerry Glanville.

Joe: Black Friday means nothing to me, because there are some great college football games to watch, while meeting with friends over a couple of cold ones and listening to amusing stories about the relatives' behavior the previous day.

Brad: When I was little, my parents would go out and shop Black Friday every year. Now it is just pretty much like every other day. My dad usually has to work, so it's just a long weekend off from school.

Joe: If the Atlanta Falcons take a little time off this year from preparing for their game against division rival Tampa Bay, I would expect the team to try and find a sale on goal line, short yardage running plays. (Lost last week’s game against New Orleans, and don't forget last year’s playoff game against the Giants.)

Chris: Arthur Blank should purchase dance lessons for the entire team, in order to help them relearn the 1998-9 dance crazy, “The Dirty Bird.”

Brad: Head Coach Mike Smith needs to buy a flag-throwing quick guide to keep in his pockets during games.

Ralphie: Matt Ryan should buy a lot of books. He's a good football player, but he needs to be smart, too.

Joe: The Falcons might try to see if they could find a cheap insurance policy to pay for released Ray Edwards’ $176k/week salary for the remaining seven weeks of year.

Chris: Julio Jones will want to take advantage of Macy’s necktie sale, in order to avoid having to ever wear the same tie twice.

Brad: Defensive line coach Ray Hamilton needs to stock up on replacement defense players to fill in the gaps as the players fly out of the rotation.

Ralphie: The team should buy new black clothes so they can all dress in black wherever they go.

Joe: The Falcons should be scouting for new bootleg videos to send the NFL re: Joe Vitt's unreported involvement in bounty-gate, because now that he has returned to Saints--watch out!

Chris: Asante Samuel can find a good selection of sleeveless undershirts at Kohl’s that will compliment his collection of earrings and chains.

Brad: Roddy White needs to buy a new pedometer, after he burned his out over the weekend.

Ralphie: The players should all buy jerseys to autograph and auction off for charities.

Joe: The Falcons might also want to shop for multiple turkeys to send to Tampa Bay for Thanksgiving dinner to try to slow them down for that upcoming Sunday's game.

Chris: Coach Mike Smith could make slumber parties at Falcons headquarters, also known as overnight film studies and two hours of sleep, more appealing by purchasing new mattresses from JCPenney for his assistant coaches’ respective cots.

Brad: Matt Ryan needs to remember his “Buy Five Interceptions, Get a TD Free” card next time he is in the Georgia Dome.

Ralphie: The players should buy a giant TV to watch the films of their games.

Joe: The Falcons might try to recycle all the black drapings from Black Friday to hang in their clubhouse, so that the players can't look in the mirrors. Winning the division just got more complicated with five division games remaining.

Chris: The Falcons should take advantage of the Men’s Wearhouse sales, in order to entice M.C. Hammer to return to their sidelines with the promise of a new iris zoot suit.

Brad: Freddy the Falcon needs to buy a new cheerleader calendar to keep tracks of all his events these days.

Ralphie: The married players should all buy flowers for their wives to thank them for sharing them all season.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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