Sports Briefs: Why eHarmony is Not Right for Manti Te'o

(Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Chris: Upon hearing Manti Te’o’s story, most people responded with some sort of negative emotion, being anger, confusion, suspicion, empathy, pity or maniacal laughter. However, joy was the initial reaction from a handful of Saudi Arabian and Moroccan princes looking to give away their fortunes via email. I think they’ve found someone trustworthy in Manti.

Ralphie: No, I don't. I think he is just untrustworthy.

Joe: No part of the whole affair (pun intended) is believable. Samoans, Hawaiians, mythical girlfriends who can't die--it's the stuff of Saturday morning cartoons.

Ralphie: I think it's really bad, and I think he shouldn't lie about things because it will make him have a bad reputation.

Chris: I have been afraid in the past to call in to work and pretend to be sick. Apparently, Lennay Kekua had no such trepidations about calling and pretending to have been in a car accident, calling and pretending to have cancer or calling and pretending to be dead. It’s a good thing Kekua is not real, or else she’d have a difficult time finding a job.

Joe: What part of the Golden Dome did Manti forget to touch? Even athletes can't get in Notre Dame without passing the SATs.

Chris: Rudy would have never let this happen to him.

Ralphie: I think he is guilty of lying.

Joe: Guilty implies rational thought and a violation of norms. None of the first criteria here. But then, you can't fix stupid.

Chris: Having been duped, Manti may unintentionally overreact and no longer be able to trust anyone. This could prove beneficial if working for the FBI, but it could pose a problem when Coach Jason Garrett calls to inform Te’o that he’s been drafted, only for Manti to not believe him, tell Garrett that he sounds like a girl and hang up on him.

Joe: Supposedly, the NFL now considers mental stability as an additional factor in determining draft levels. You can't tell from most recent drafts, but if it is a factor, it will be a minus for him.

Ralphie: It should definitely affect his draft status. Football players should be role models for young kids like me.

Chris: I just hope Ronaiah Tuiasosopo is not also behind Bigfoot.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...