Sports Briefs: The Best Tennis Player Ever

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Chris: Tennis players are judged by Grand Slams, by which I mean the number of Grand Slam events they win, as opposed to the number of Grand Slams they eat at Denny’s. Other factors to consider when determining the best tennis player ever include their ability to adapt to different court surfaces, if they can use a square-headed, wooden racket and how well they perform while wearing a shoulder-length hairpiece.

Joe: Pete Sampras is the King of Grass Courts and is the best tennis player of all time, as well as one of the top money winners of all time. He has 14 Grand Slam singles titles, a record-tying seven Wimbledon titles, of which four were in a row, also five U.S. Open titles and two Australian Opens.

Ralphie: I don't think Pete Sampras is the best tennis player ever because even when he was at his best, the only great player he could beat was Andre Agassi.

Chris: Having played half his career while wearing a Billy Ray Cyrus wig, Andre Agassi deserves strong consideration for being able to simultaneously hit a ball over a net while keeping his toupee from falling off.

Brad: While I think Pete Sampras is a great player, he lacks the whole picture. I don't see a philanthropic side, nor a business side to him.

Chris: Having won the most Grand Slam titles in history, what separates Roger Federer from other great players is the fact that he has a Beanie Baby named after him. Ty Inc. inadvertently chose Federer as the best player ever when they created a bear wearing a headband, holding a racket and named him Feder-Bear.

Ralphie: I don't think Roger Federer is the best tennis player ever because he played in a different time period. Who knows how well he could have kept up against today's players?

Brad: I think Roger Federer is the best tennis player of all time, because he is an amazing player and person as well. Besides holding titles and records like the other great players, Roger is a philanthropist and successful businessman with his brand deals. This is what makes a great player in my opinion.

Joe: Roger Federer is not the greatest player of all time, because in 30 meetings with Nadal, he has lost 20.

Ralphie: I think Andy Roddick is the best tennis player ever because he won the Grand Slam singles event and is the last North American male tennis player to do that. I also think it's cool that he's called A-Rod because that's just like one of my favorite baseball players.

Brad: Andy Roddick just does not have a career consistent with the great tennis players. There have been injuries, sickness, coaching issues. He also has a very poor show of sportsmanship, with his outbursts during matches. He is involved with charitable work but seems to be more about TV fame rather than sport fame.

Joe: Andy Roddick is not the greatest player of all time, because his record trails many other greats, including Sampras, Federer, Borg and Laver.

Chris: Roddick never won Wimbledon, which is due to probably having an allergy to strawberries or maybe not knowing how long a fortnight is. I just said “fortnight.” And though he is currently the No. 1 ranked player in the world, I will render Novak Djokovic out of this conversation, due to his insistence for keeping a silent “D” in his name. This can sometimes make it hard to pronounce his name without looking dignorant.

Brad: Novak Djokovic is definitely one of the great players. He has several successful business ventures and also does TV appearances but just is not one of my favorites.

Joe: Novak Djokovic is not the greatest player of all time, because he has not won enough major tournaments, and his record falls short of many other players, including the three listed above.

Ralphie: I don't think Novak Djokovic is the best tennis player ever because this year, at the Masters, he didn't do all that well. In fact, his losses weren't even to any of the big guys. He lost to some lower-level players, which made him look like his time as a superstar may be over. 

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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