(Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie didn't attend Media Day at Super Boxl XLVIII in East Rutherford, N.J., but if they did, here is what they would have asked members of the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)
Joe: I'd like to ask Peyton Manning to change Omaha to Bethlehem to give my town some publicity. I think there is a marketable product there . . . just sayin'.
Chris: I’d like to ask Peyton Manning why he always has that red mark on his forehead after he takes his helmet off and if it hurts if someone touches it.
Brad: I'd like to ask Peyton Manning if he is worried about getting sacked and hurting his back.
Joe: I'd like to ask the Broncos’ wide receivers if Seattle DB Richard Sherman's rant after the NFC Championship game provides any incentive to beat him, or is it just the same old trash talk.
Chris: I’d like to ask Richard Sherman if he is kin to either Milli or Vanilli.
Brad: I'd like to ask Pete Carroll if he is confident the team he built is ready to win the Super Bowl.
Joe: I'd like to ask Peyton Manning what he wants to do after retiring: coach, GM or eventually own a team.
Chris: I’d like to ask the entire Broncos’ offensive line if they have continued the tradition, set by former Broncos offensive lineman Mark Schlereth, of soiling themselves during games.
Brad: I'd like to ask Derrick Coleman what drives his charitable actions.
Joe: I'd like to ask Russell Wilson if he ever dreamed he would be in the Super Bowl after two years in the league.
Chris: I’d like to ask Russell Wilson about the possibility of him calling in sick to Seahawks practices or taking a string of personal days next fall, allowing him to fulfill his obligation to play for the Texas Rangers, in order that their drafting him would not have been solely to have his picture on a baseball card.
Brad: I'd like to ask Russell Wilson if he thinks his Seahawks will take down the Broncos and win.
Joe: I would like to ask Coach Fox if this game has more special meaning after his illness early this year.
Chris: I’d like to ask Champ Bailey if he has weighed his retirement options, and if he has ever considered opening a Bailey Building and Loan.
Brad: I'd like to ask John Fox if he foresaw the Broncos in the Super Bowl when he scooped up Manning.
Joe: I would like to ask Knowshon Moreno what changed this year for him. Why is he playing at a higher level?
Chris: I’d like to ask Percy Harvin if he has a Life Alert necklace or wristband, enabling him to call for assistance should he fall and injure himself when he’s home alone.
Brad: I'd like to ask Marshawn Lynch why he doesn't like talking to the media.
Joe: I would like to ask Peyton Manning what are the biggest differences between playing for the Broncos and the Colts.
Chris: I’d like to ask Wes Welker if the Old Spice deodorant he put on in the morning is still functioning after the time it takes to film an Old Spice commercial.
Brad: I'd like to ask the Broncos if John Moffitt quitting had any effect on their season.
Joe: I would like to ask Peyton Manning if he believes he would be in a Super Bowl this year if he had signed with the higher offer from the Titans.
Chris: I’d like to ask Luke Willson if the second “L” in his name is silent, if he is envious of his quarterback having one less “L” or if Russell is secretly trying to acquire a second “L” for his surname.
Brad: I'd like to ask Earl Thomas and the rest of the “back four” if they will be bringing the boom.
Joe: I would like to ask the Seahawks if Peyton Manning is the most difficult QB to defend.
Chris: I’d like to ask Matt Prater if he feels his kicking stats are inflated due to Denver’s thin air, and if he hopes the NFL one day expands to put a franchise on the moon.
Brad: I'd like to ask the Broncos cheerleaders how they will pump up Broncos fans as much as Seahawks fans.
Joe: I would like to ask Eli Manning how it feels to have his big brother playing in HIS HOUSE.
Chris: I’d like to ask the Disney employees at the Super Bowl to track down Marshawn Lynch if the Seahawks win to see if he will use sign language to communicate “I’m going to Disney World!”
Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.