I am heartbroken. When we first started seeing each other this past August, I was not looking for a relationship or anything long-term. I was just wanting to see what was out there. I knew Regis, having been fond of him and his neckties since the days of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" I anticipated Regis hosting a daily interview program by himself, maybe like Roy Firestone on "Up Close."
I didn't know what to expect when I learned Regis would be joined by a panel of five others, none of whom I knew, except former NFL lineman Trevor Pryce. Our first few dates were a little awkward, as I adjusted from serious sports talk on ESPN to a program filled with a British female anchor, a "Wall Street Journal" reporter, a comedian and a girl from YouTube.
I expected you to show me game highlights and debate the same arguments heard on "First Take" or "Numbers Never Lie" or "SportsNation" or "Highly Questionable" or "Outside the Lines" or "Around the Horn" or "PTI" or "SportsCenter," only you would be different because Regis is more entertaining than any ESPN employee. And I was thrown off-guard when you decided to incorporate minimal game highlights, punctuate your wide variety of debate topics with jokes and have the panel and guest stars play games together. It was like combining "The View" with the Weekend Update on "Saturday Night Live" with the games Jimmy Fallon plays on "The Tonight Show."
But what made our relationship work was you made me laugh, which made me continue wanting to see you more. Knowing Regis and Trevor made me comfortable around Georgie Thompson, Jason Gay, Michael Kosta and Katie Nolan, and that comfort eventually led to gaining my trust and affection.
We had some great times together. I remember watching Mike Tyson throw darts while blindfolded and Miss USA pillow-fighting with Manny Pacquiao. Those made the live studio audience go wild, ergo making your name apropos. I'll never forget the times when Regis described team names or played Charades. You may not have been the safest choice of someone to start a relationship with, but you were the most exciting choice, and we soon found ourselves going steady.
As soon as I got a TiVo for Christmas, I made the easy choice to commit to you daily, though your behavior started becoming erratic shortly after. Regis took frequent vacations, you occasionally changed the times of our dates and sometimes canceled them altogether. I began questioning if I was at fault. Instead, I learned that your parents had a problem with us seeing each other. I have always liked your parents and often chose to watch Fox Sports 1's nightly news program over ESPN's nightly news program, largely just to support your family.
When I heard last week that you are breaking up with me, I was devastated. We've given each other the best eight months of our lives, and I was ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Know that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. I am not ready or willing to move on with my life, as I have never met someone like you. I always want to have you in my life. I love you, "Crowd Goes Wild."
Chris is a Waco, Texas, resident, Editor in Chief of MyBriefs.com, author of the book "Sports Briefs" and the adult writer for the Gab Four. Read more of Chris' solo columns here.