Sports Briefs: The Horse Whisperers

(Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie didn't attend Media Day at the 2014 Kentucky Derby, mainly because there was no Media Day, which was probably the best decision, considering all of the contestants are more prone to getting branded than promoting their brand. But if horses could talk, here is what the Gab Four would have asked these equidae, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: I would like to ask California Chrome if being the favorite is going to make him relax. I think the rest of the field will be blinded by the "Chrome rear end”!

Chris: I’d like to ask Candy Boy if he feels slighted at all that the Four Seasons never wrote a song about him.

Brad: I'd like to ask Chitu, since he comes from a long line of both speed and stamina, does he aspire to be a sprinter or a starter.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Commanding Curve if he thinks he's got what it takes to follow in Golden Soul's hoofprints.

Joe: I would like to ask Dance With Fate if running on the type of dirt at Churchill will slow him down. If not he could be a surprise winner.

Chris: I’d like to ask Danza if feels a certain kinship to another Danza, who was ridden, beaten and made to wear ridiculous outfits while serving as a maid for Angela and Mona.

Brad: I'd like to ask General A Rod if he is a Yankees fan.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Harry's Holiday if he likes his jockey.

Joe: I would like to ask Hoppertunity how difficult it is to be sidelined from the greatest race in the world.

Chris: I’d like to ask Intense Holiday if he considers his jockey a friend, and if he has ever personally spoken to his jockey or any other human. Or is it just too hard to get over the fact that his jockey uses a whip on him?

Brad: I'd like to ask Medal Count if he thinks his jockey, Robby Albarado, looks like Patrick Dempsey.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Pablo del Monte if he's disappointed that he won't be running in the Kentucky Derby this year.

Joe: I would like to ask Ride On Curlin if he would have won the Arkansas Derby if he had not been bumped at the start.

Chris: I’d like to ask Samraat, who is named a term of nobility in India, if he enjoys curry or other exotic spices with his oats.

Brad: I'd like to ask Tapiture if there's a lot of sibling rivalry with his brother and sister also being racers, and what if any pressure he might get from their race winning parents, Tapit and Free Spin.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Uncle Sigh if he's ever thought about growing a beard.

Joe: I would like to ask Vicar's In Trouble if having the rail is a big of a deal as made out to be. Can you still win it?

Chris: I’d like to ask Vinceremos if his Latin name is also an indication of his heritage, and if it causes him to be more attractive to fillies.

Brad: I'd like to ask We Miss Artie why they miss him and where he went.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Wicked Strong if he's proud to be running in honor of the Boston bombing victims.

Joe: I would like to ask Wildcat Red if he can really win this longer race, since he is best as a sprinter. He will likely lead early, but can he hold up for the long run, that is the question.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.
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