Sports Briefs: 2014 College Football Top 20 Anticipations

(Since The Associated Press, USA Today and ESPN are blocking Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie's borderline harassive phone calls, regarding their quadrivial request to vote in those organizations' respective college football polls, the Gab Four have instead created their own poll . . . Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Ralphie: The No. 20 anticipation is waiting to see if Alabama ever gets a quarterback.

Brad: The No. 19 anticipation is seeing how well OSU's season will start without Braxton Miller.

Chris: The No. 18 anticipation is looking very closely at Notre Dame's mascot and special teams units each game. Considering that Regis Philbin is currently unemployed, there may not be a position that suits him better than dressing up as the Leprechaun or, under the tutelage of Rudy Ruettiger, trying to walk-on as an undersized, elderly defensive end.

Joe: The No. 17 anticipation about this year's upcoming college football season for me is to see if Penn State has been successful in putting the massive scandal behind them and playing high quality football again. Have the fans, students, alumni, and players healed from the horrendous actions of their past leaders?

Ralphie: The No. 16 anticipation is waiting for my mom's Tiger Taco Salad and Winning Dip every game day.

Brad: The No. 15 anticipation is what hunting pictures Texas Tech cheerleader Kendall Jones will post this season.

Chris: The No. 14 anticipation is if Hawaii will wear their retro uniforms again this season, considering that, other than the Care Bears, no one looks more stylish in rainbows than the Rainbow Warriors.

Joe: The No. 13 anticipation about this year's upcoming college football season for me is to see if Arkansas coach Bielema will be able to slow the Auburn Malzhan offense, as they visit the plains for their first game of the season. Bielema has made a lot of noise in the off-season about the hurry-up, no-huddle (HUNH) offense Malzhan employs, claiming it increases risk of injury. He also has stated that if anyone sees a spy at their practice facility with an Auburn hat on, "shoot them." Well, let's see who does the shooting in Jordan-Hare this year.

Ralphie: The No. 12 anticipation is waiting to see how the new playoff system works.

Brad: The No. 11 anticipation is who will win the Walter Camp Trophy.

Chris: The No. 10 anticipation is how soon Jameis Winston will change his major. Depending on his culinary leaning, he can either stay on his career path towards taking down Famous Amos with his own brand of Famous Jameis cookies, or he can transfer his credits to a degree in restaurant management, forcing Joe’s Crab Shack to abandon Florida, due to the new chain of Jameis’ Crab Shack restaurants, which offer free legs every Tuesday.

Joe: The No. 9 anticipation about this year's upcoming college football season for me is to see if FSU has the horses to repeat as national champs. They lost a lot of defensive players, and their defensive coordinator has moved on to Georgia. They lost their top running back and wide receiver. Can QB Jameis Winston put all the off-field issues behind him, or will the crab legs incident bite him on the butt?

Ralphie: The No. 8 anticipation is enjoying my favorite days of the year - baseball practice in the morning, football in the afternoon, and my favorite weather and food all day long!

Brad: The No. 7 anticipation is what kind of shows OSU's marching band will do without director Waters.

Chris: The No. 6 anticipation is seeing Baylor’s new, state-of-the-art stadium, how excited locals will be and whether the time can be measured in minutes or hours that the traffic congestion around the stadium delays my trip to the grocery store.

Joe: The No. 5 anticipation about this year's upcoming college football season for me is to see if ‘Bama can find a QB for new OC Lane Kiffen to tutor to success. Will Kiffen be able to control his temper and attitude with Saban breathing down his neck? Or will they just line up and hand off to their stable of backs? The OL lost a lot and will require re-tooling. This will be a real test year for ‘Bama.

Ralphie: The No. 4 anticipation is waiting to see just how AUsome the Auburn Tigers are this year!

Brad: The No. 3 anticipation is whether Baylor will keep their conference title this season, with their roster mixed with new and experienced players.

Chris: The No. 2 anticipation is seeing the new uniform and helmet designs from Oregon, Nebraska, Michigan and others, including one school’s much-ballyhooed reflective uniforms, which render the team invisible. Though since they are invisible, I have yet to figure out which school will be wearing them. I just said “ballyhooed.”

Joe: The No. 1 anticipation about this year's upcoming college football season for me is to see how the new playoff system works. Will the team that comes in fifth get screwed? Will conference championship game winners be given preference and credit for the extra game? Will strength of schedule be given a lot of weight? Will undefeated smaller schools automatically get into the playoffs? Will FSU and Auburn repeat into the playoffs and the championship game? There is a lot to anticipate this year, and I am ready to kick off the season. Are you ready?

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.
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