Sports Briefs: Leaving 2014 NFL Camps

(No team is perfect in Week 1, and while over a month of training camp has helped to address inefficiencies, Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie have found something each team still needs to work on, assuming a winning season - and not the first pick in the draft - is the goal . . . Sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: The Dallas Cowboys still need to work on protecting the QB and the QB closing a game out. The Cowboys spend too much time looking at their cheerleaders.

Chris: The New York Giants still need to work on finding a consistent running back, whether that is Rashad Jennings, 57-year-old Otis Anderson or a vacuum cleaner robot named Roomba.

Brad: The Philadelphia Eagles still need to work on keeping their defense united.

Ralphie: The Washington Redskins still need to work on saving their name!

Joe: The Chicago Bears still need to work on keeping QB Jay Cutler in the game. They have put all their bets on Cutler, and he is good when healthy.

Chris: The Detroit Lions still need to work on bolstering their defense, preferably with Decepticons. It does not speak much of Megatron’s leadership abilities if Starscream is unwilling to play on the same team as him.

Brad: The Green Bay Packers still need to work on remembering how to play football.

Ralphie: The Minnesota Vikings still need to work on consistency at quarterback.

Joe: The Atlanta Falcons still need to work on a pass rush. They drafted some help, but only time will tell. The OL was bad last year and already lost a tackle to injury this year. The Dirty Birds are going to have to play dirty to get enough wins to think about making the postseason this year.

Chris: The Carolina Panthers still need to work on persuading Cam Newton to alter his “celebration,” which is supposed to mimic Clark Kent ripping off his dress shirt to reveal his Superman costume, but can also easily resemble: 1) lifting dumbbells, 2) someone flashing or 3) Bigfoot scratching his chest.

Brad: The New Orleans Saints still need to work on keeping Drew Brees from getting injured or aging so he can stay in the game.

Ralphie: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers still need to work on blocking and tackling.

Joe: The Arizona Cardinals still need to work on a team makeover. The have a few pieces but will not be competitive in their conference.

Chris: The St. Louis Rams still need to work on . . . probably nothing . . . though it would not hurt if they helped Shaun Hill land a part-time job at a local grocery store, considering the last time the Rams’ starting quarterback was injured for the year during the preseason, it was discovered that sacking groceries apparently develops Super Bowl quarterbacks.

Brad: The San Francisco 49ers still need to work on playing their best from the season’s start and not halfway through.

Ralphie: The Seattle Seahawks still need to work on firming up their offensive line.

Joe: The Buffalo Bills still need to work on moving to a better climate/stadium. They will never win it all in Buffalo, but they do have the best wings in the league.

Chris: The Miami Dolphins still need to work on convincing their AFC East rivals to all build dome stadiums because it would be good for business, as opposed to solely benefiting the Dolphins, who tend to struggle on the road, particularly late in the season, when they wear Bermuda shorts when traveling and arrive at their destinations to find temperatures roughly 97 degrees colder in Buffalo, New England and New York than it is in South Beach.

Brad: The New England Patriots still need to work on holding on to the ball and strengthening their defense so the offense isn't running the whole game.

Ralphie: The New York Jets still need to work on finding a cornerback.

Joe: The Baltimore Ravens still need to work on rebuilding from their championship team and have a long way to go to catch up to the competition. Maybe some of the Orioles’ good luck this season will rub off on them.

Chris: The Cincinnati Bengals still need to work on helping Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton overcome their fear of winning a playoff game, or the team could shift directions and start grooming Cincinnati’s new famous husband and wife duo, AJ McKatherine, as the replacement coach and quarterback.

Brad: The Cleveland Browns still need to work on just about everything.

Ralphie: The Pittsburgh Steelers still need to work on their running back.

Joe: The Houston Texans still need to work on putting together a winning team effort for a postseason run. With JJ Watt under contract and his bookend rookie superstar Jadevon Clowney, the Texans better make a move now or never.

Chris: The Indianapolis Colts still need to work on narrowing down the list of candidates to become Jim Irsay’s full-time designated driver. While he undoubtedly has the best resume, I would not accept that position if I was Hoke Coleburn.

Brad: The Jacksonville Jaguars still need to work on their offense and get their run defense together.

Ralphie: The Tennessee Titans still need to work on keeping Taylor Lewan out of trouble.

Joe: The Denver Broncos still need to work on playing in the postseason like they do in the regular season, because this is probably Peyton's last chance.

Chris: The Kansas City Chiefs still need to work on refurbishing the amount of napkins, plastic utensils and paper plates in their head coach’s office, considering the fact that he goes through them very quickly throughout the day. Once that matter is settled, the defense should practice on drills that prevent 28-point comebacks by the opposition.

Brad: The Oakland Raiders still need to work on their run offense. Their quarterback can't win the season alone on his passing ability.

Ralphie: The San Diego Chargers still need to work on their coach and his lack of offensive coaching talent.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.
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