(Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie didn't attend Media Day at Super Boxl XLIX in Glendale, Ariz., but if they did, here is what they would have asked members of the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)
Joe: I'd like to ask Tom Brady if playing with regulation football pressure is going to affect his game.
Chris: I'd like to ask Pete Carroll if he'd be willing to trade a first-round draft pick if the NFL gave him the freedom to record the Patriots' practices.
Ralphie: I would like to ask Tom Brady if he knows what the football is SUPPOSED to feel like.
Chris: I'd like to ask Marshawn Lynch what his favorite flavor of Skittles is and if he can answer said question by addressing me as "Boss." For instance, a suitable reply would be, "I'm all about that grape, Boss."
Ralphie: I would like to ask Russell Wilson if he likes Tom Brady.
Joe: I'd like to ask Lynch what is so difficult about talking to the media.
Chris: I'd like to ask Robert Kraft if he assisted Roger Goodell in shredding and burning the Spygate evidence, maybe even hosting a bonfire/luau party, and if he has already destroyed or is in the process of destroying the Deflategate evidence.
Ralphie: I would like to ask Richard Sherman if he's going to choose the Super Bowl or seeing his baby being born.
Joe: I'd like to ask Sherman which coach has influenced his career the most.
Chris: I'd like to ask Tom Brady if he, Coach Belichick and Mr. Kraft would be open to appearing with George Clooney in the next "Ocean's 11" sequel.
Ralphie: I would like to ask Bill Belechick if he’s secretly embarrassed about what his team did with the footballs in the conference championship game.
Joe: I'd like to ask the game officials if they will implement new procedures for controlling the footballs for the Super Bowl.
Chris: I'd like to ask Tom Brady what else he has cheated on. Golf? His taxes? His wife? Cards? A 10th grade math test?
Ralphie: I would like to ask Pat Patriot if it’s hard to play football in a tri-corner hat.
Joe: I'd like to ask Russell Wilson if he could have imagined the success he has achieved in his first three years.
Chris: I'd like to ask Coach Belichick, if he were to get struck with a lightsaber, would his body immediately "deflate" and disappear, in a fashion similar to Obi-Wan Kenobi when Darth Vader killed him after accusations arose of Kenobi altering the air pressure in the Death Star.
Ralphie: I would like to ask Blitz why a mascot needs a sidekick.
Joe: I'd like to ask the owners if the Deflategate has damaged the game's reputation.
Chris: I'd like to ask Tom Brady how he feels knowing that Joe Montana, Troy Aikman, Mark Brunell, Keanu Reeves, Burt Reynolds and every other person who's ever played quarterback, including Charlie Brown, believes Brady to be guilty of lying.
Ralphie: I would like to ask Pete Carroll if he’s got his Fast Passes ready at Walt Disney World.