Musings of Maestro R: The Playoffs as a Woman

(By Richard A. Rampello)

The 2015 playoffs, including the penultimate cap known as the Super Bowl, felt symbolic of a relationship. Certain games were particular moments of connection yore one of us is bound to know. This starts with the beginning for that relationship.

The Dallas Cowboys (begrudgingly typed might I add, given I have a different sobriquet for the Texas based franchise) defended their luck, and not getting caught, like the guy you know who is dating the girl who just broke up with you. The one you swear was messing with your girl before they started “dating,” because it is just too cozy too soon. And then it hits you, juvenile togetherness or not, how friendly is it that he would date your girl right after it ended?

So Green Bay comes in and wins over Dallas, which is like the dumped off flame finally moving on, yet it is too soon for the dumper. Really it is just guilt. And they even go as far as getting their friends involved, you know, the ones who sue the National Football League for a cool $88,987,654,321.88. Is this what "Mean Girls" was about? If so, no wonder I haven’t watched it. My belief was it was Lindsay Lohan related. Wait, it still is.

Green Bay did not find itself exempt, however. While up and comfortable, they went more conservative than a 1950's man with their game plan. They squeezed too tightly to the woman they felt out of their league, as if expecting their good fortune to run out. And in a moment of self-fulfilling prophecy, it did. On her turf (Seattle’s specifically), the man was stealing the show, and then she started getting a pantheon behind her. That is marriage for some.

Moreover, a faction of beautiful women can appear like a litany of goddesses, especially when George Costandza, of "Seinfeld," uses the story of his dead wife, with the picture of a good-looking woman, to get into a party of models. When the fa├žade ends, the reality is, well, exposed. The flimsy becomes a bit of a flimflam, and the truth of what you just lost and missed is astoundingly painful. From here, admittedly, another "Seinfeld" allusion could follow.

Yet for all of the mistakes the Seahawks made, it was the overwrought feeling of complacency from Green Bay, that desire to make what appeared to be happening occur -- they were going to win if they held on -- only to watch the woman waltz into the arms of another man, pushed out by overbearing adoration. Or, in Green Bay’s case, the inability to loosen up. This is known as a scared-to-lose situation, even though turning down the anxiety would have made everything blossom.

In being careful with the "Seinfeld" references, given the family-friendly nature of this meme, and the website overall, plus the show is long gone to so much of the audience, we move on. From the out-Neiling only to be overtaken by Neil again, past the girl George is so obsessed with taking to this ball that he squeezed too tightly (the aforementioned "Seinfeld" allusion), which in turn forced Kramer to end the union in a weird amalgam befitting of the iconic show, we move on to the conclusion of this tome.

We end with the Super Bowl. We conclude with Jerry’s supermodel girlfriend, who could get him a lift from all potential plagues; tribulations he sought so he could watch them undone. This is the “Todd Gack Bowl." You see, Jerry sent his girl, Nicki, to Todd, who found the dating loophole by betting dinners with him against trivia he knew was wrong. Jerry sent her to work out a cigar purchase gone awry. Instead, Gack worked a bet over, took Jerry’s girlfriend to dinner and they went on to date. To finish it off, he wound up walking his ex-flame’s dog. Seattle had the game in hand, so close to the apex, only to watch the emotions of expectations usurped by what actually happened. And then they had to defend the decision and say it was still sensibly the right call. No. No, it was not. You never throw a hot route in a congested area, just like you never clause out a woman. Penance was issued and the piper paid.

Richard A. Rampello is the author of the column Musings of Maestro R.

1 comment:

  1. Love the Seinfeld references. I'm with you. Defense and the running game got you here. How do you not give the heart and soul of your team the ball at the one. They outfoxed themselves. Got too cute.


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