Sports Writing Star

(By Chris, Editor in Chief of and the adult writer of the Gab Four, with special guest columnists and rock 'n' roll stars, Noel and Liam Gallagher of Oasis. Originally published Aug. 18, 2009, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt) 


I live my life in a man cave,
And there's no easy way out.
I've collected too much stuff for me.
I need some time in the sunshine,
But I'm approaching a deadline,
And the boss is using all caps with me.
I live my life, trying to make a dime,
People say it's just a waste of time.
Tryin' to get syndicated all over the Web,
Even plagiarism
has come into my head.
I'll make up a story and go real far,
As soon as I finish my third snack bar,
In my mind my stories are real,
Citing my sources is no big deal.

Tonight, I'm a sports writing star.
Tonight, I'm a sports writing star.

I go and root for Man City.
I raise my voice, and I shout,
When they won't give a press pass to me.
I sleep in each morning until nine.
Today I gotta go to town,
And get some fantasy football
mags for me.
I'm tired of writin' about Manny and Brett,
Those topics don't even cause me to break a sweat.
The only way to get the glory,
Is for me to investigate and break a story.
I wrote in a feature that Kurt Warner's a Jew,
Only that story really wasn't true.
At least it's something I'm willing to acknowledge,
Unlike who got my vote for No. 1 in college.

Tonight, I'm a sports writing star.
Tonight, I'm a sports writing star.

Chris is a Waco, Texas, resident, Editor in Chief of, author of the book "Sports Briefs" and the adult writer for the Gab Four. Read more of Chris' solo columns here.

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