Sports Briefs: Strawberries and Cream at Wimbledon, but Here's What to Eat at the Other Grand Slams

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Chris: Why do people eat strawberries and cream at Wimbledon? The answer is obvious: because strawberries and cream are sold there. This tradition was apparently started because a strawberry vine began growing on Wimbledon’s grass court, prompting enterprising individuals to pick and sell the strawberries, but only after they began raising cattle, letting them graze on the grass courts and provide cream to sell with the berries. This story may not be true, but it makes sense to me.

Joe: Well, first of all, eating strawberries and cream is very very good. I think this probably got started as a Wimbledon tradition because of the seasonal nature of the fruit and the time of year the event is held. Cream is always in season, just add berries and WOW! Instant pleasure.

Ralphie: I guess they eat strawberries because this is the season when they look the best. Plus, they're a quiet snack.

Chris: If people eat when they’re bored, this may explain why peanuts and Cracker Jack are part of a baseball song and why a fruit is the most popular attraction at tennis' most prestigious tournament. However, with tennis being played all over the world throughout the year, strawberries and cream would not suffice for each date and location, unless they were made into astronaut food. Therefore, it would behoove the sport to have a universal food associated with each of its four Grand Slams.

Joe: The ideal snack food for the Australian Open for me would grilled crocodile rolled in eucalyptus leaves. These are both readily available in Australia and are national icons.

Ralphie: Pouches of candy because of the kangaroos and their pouches.

Chris: Considering that Crocodile Dundee would be likely punch me in the face were I to suggest kangaroo steak or possum grits, I think the ideal food would be something both exotic and able to appeal to all ages. Heeding the advice of a talking kangaroo, I would recommend a package of Dunkaroos. The cookies dunked in frosting would appeal to most adolescents, while eating a product that expired in 2012, after the brand was discontinued in the United States, may prove to be exotic for adults.

Joe: The best snack while watching the French Open would be the world famous French pastry with a good glass of wine. By the time the last set is over, you really won't care who wins.

Ralphie: French fries, of course, because they're French fries!

Chris: France is six hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time in the United States. That means if one is to watch the French Open on television, they would normally be eating breakfast. At this point the sole determining factor is whether one likes one’s bread soft or crunchy. For those who want to keep their chewing volume at a minimum, French toast is the appropriate choice, while eating French Toast Crunch cereal in the stands at Roland Garros would likely cause one to be escorted out by security.

Joe: The All-American meal is the only way to go while watching the US Open--hotdog and beer. This is classic American cuisine, and the beer will keep you cool and encourage stretching your legs while visiting the restroom between sets.

Ralphie: Slushes and Skittles would be awesome. They'd be quiet and yummy, and they wouldn't melt.

Chris: Since it’s been since 1988 that a lady (Steffi Graf) won all four tournaments and since 1969 since a man (Rod Laver) did, an ideal way to celebrate the next winner of the Grand Slam would be by going to Denny’s with a coming appetite, prior to having surgery to replace one’s stomach with an actual wheelbarrow, and ordering four Grand Slams.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.
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