Sports Briefs: Shark Week in San Jose

(Originally published Aug. 4, 2010, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt) 

Chris: There are 30 different breeds, each one trained to kill. They live to attack and devour and often lose teeth in the process. And of all the organizations in the National Hockey League, only the club in San Jose has deemed the marketing possibilities lucrative enough to name themselves the Sharks.

Brad: I think the Sharks have one of the more intimidating symbols in hockey. I mean, seriously, a shark destroying a hockey stick is not to be reckoned with. I really like their colors also, specifically Deep Pacific teal.

Ralphie: I like the uniforms and the colors. I definitely like the mascot because I love sharks.
Chris: It is possible that San Jose's owners could be hot tub buddies with the Discovery Channel's owners. Shark Week actually began four years before the NHL found its way to San Jose. It's a shame the Beach Boys have not been inspired to write prose or poetry about California ice hockey.

Ralphie: It seems weird that California would have an ice hockey team.
Brad: I think it's a great idea to have hockey in a warm weather city, such as San Jose. It adds a different type of fan base, apart from the traditional fans from Detroit and Toronto, along with giving the fans a break from the sweltering heat of their typical summer days.

Ralphie: I think that hockey teams need to be in northern states and Canada.
Brad: The Sharks have 14 Canadians on their current roster, so anything less than 50 wins would be a catastrophic occurrence.
Chris: San Jose doesn't get enough acknowledgment for integrating Hollywood into professional sports. After experiencing urges to name their mascot either after "Jaws" or "Jabberjaw," the Sharks provoked enough arousal in both the Anaheim Ducks and Toronto Raptors to submit to naming their mascots after highly-inspirational movies, such as "Jurassic Park."
Brad: Ralphie, be sure to not look at San Jose's label before bed. A nightmare for you would surely occur.

Ralphie: I'll show you a slap shot.
Chris: The Nashville Predators also need recognition for being seduced by Gov. Schwarzenegger's 1987 film. On a side note, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman is probably now considering expansion teams in Mexico, Honduras and on the Equator.
Brad: I'm sure Chris doesn't think much of the Sharks. They are, after all, in the same state as the great Kobe Bryant. I think the Sharks will do very well next season.

Ralphie: I don't think they will do well at all. Well, maybe their mascot the Shark will eat the other team's hockey sticks.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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