Sports Briefs: At Super Bowl 50 Opening Night's Media Day, I'd Like to Ask . . .

(Rather than scheduling Media Day on its traditional Tuesday, NFL dignitaries decided to hold Super Bowl Opening Night on Monday, hoping to avoid Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie by bamboozling them. It worked. But had they attended, here is what they would have asked members of the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers, sponsored by 3 Spoons Yogurt)

Joe: I'd like to ask Peyton Manning if he is going to hang it up after this game win or lose.

Chris: I'd like to ask John Elway if he is colorblind. The Broncos are 0-4 in Super Bowls while wearing orange uniforms, 1-1 wearing white articles of clothing and 1-0 in navy jerseys. In fact, the first season the Broncos wore navy was 1997, which resulted in them winning their first Super Bowl. So, of course, the Broncos have chosen to wear navy the past few years slightly less often than they wore stonewashed denim overalls.

Brad: I'd like to ask Peyton when he plans to buy his vineyard for retirement.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Peyton Manning if heirs scared of walking away without a ring.

Joe: I'd like to ask Cam Newton how he picks out the kid to give the touchdown ball to.

Chris: I'd like to ask avid hunter Jared Allen if he has ever speared a bronco and what horse meat tastes like.

Brad: I'd like to ask Cam about what they did to him in that hospital after his car accident.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Cam Newton if he has any stress on him at all.

Joe: I'd like to ask Ted Ginn Jr. if he is the fastest man in this Super Bowl.

Chris: I'd like to ask Gary Kubiak and Ron Rivera if they realize they are the first two head coaches to face each other in the Super Bowl who were both players on Tecmo Super Bowl.

Brad: I'd like to ask Tom Brady about his chances on beating Cam Newton and the Panthers . . . oh wait, never mind.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask the mascots of each team what crazy thing they are going to do.

Joe: I'd like to ask the Carolina Panthers mascot if his suit would fit Cam and would Cam make a good mascot to visit children in the hospital.

Chris: I'd like to ask Roman Harper if he has ever awoken to find Keith Hernandez and/or Clyde Frazier standing beside his bed, trying to sell him Just for Men.

Brad: I'd like to ask Ron Rivera if he is going to restrict Cam Newton's running to keep his franchise quarterback healthy for the long haul.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Ron Rivera who he thinks will win.

Joe: I'd like to ask Peyton if the lower altitude will affect him in any way. The weather should be beautiful for the game.

Chris: I'd like to ask former Texas A&M linebacker Von Miller why the Aggie got fired from the M&M's factory. (I would not reveal it was because the Aggie kept throwing away all the "W's.")

Brad: I'd like to ask Michael Oher if he would want "The Blind Side" to never have been made.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Greg Olsen if he is ready for the game.

Joe: I'd like to ask the Broncos secondary and linebackers if shutting down Greg Olsen will be as easy as throttling the Gronk.

Chris: I'd like to ask Brandon McManus if he has considered anything from subtly propositioning McDonald's to outright harassing the company to name a sandwich in his honor. "Try the new McManus. Three all-beef patties, six slices of cheese and an entire package of bacon. It's enough to make a man out of anyone, even a placekicker."

Ralphie: I'd like to ask Brock Osweiler if he thinks he'll get any playing time.

Joe: I would like to ask Broncos coach Gary Kubiak how he will contain and stop Cam Newton when he decides to tuck the ball and run.

Chris: I'd like to ask Irishman Cortland Finnegan if he is aware of any actual leprechauns who play in the NFL other than himself.

Brad: I'd like to ask Gary Kubiak how/if his defense is going to adapt to stop the Panthers offense.

Ralphie: I'd like to ask for Cam Newton's predictions on the Super Bowl.

Try on a new pair of Sports Briefs with the Gab Four every Friday. Find out more about Joe, Chris, Brad and Ralphie, and read their solo columns on their individual pages.

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