Why I Strongly Dislike Kobe Bryant

(By Christopher Wilson, originally published June 2, 2009) 

My mother told me not to hate anyone except the devil,
so trust me that I wrote this with a head that's level.
Laker fans may hate me, and of course, I'm being defiant,
When I say I strongly dislike Kobe Bryant.

has made him into a role model,
Where opponents, coaches and announcers do nothing but coddle.
He's a hero, a spokesman, a Nike puppet, a saint,
Except for the puppet, all of those things he ain't.

Arrogant, belittling, phony and smug,
As a teammate, he's practically a thug.
Most good players are, and exceptions are rare,
(Kind of like the type of teammates to whom Kobe glares).

Trust his 'mates? Now that's jive,
No one's shooting, not when Kobe's alive.
He is a great scorer, once posted 81,
But if he shot as much as Kobe, so could Andrew Bynum.

No. 8 did win three titles, 'tis true,
All while sporting a pretty cool hairdo.
But the 'fro's gone, along with his innocence, too,
How soon the NBA
forgot Bryant's Colorado Waterloo.

The Lodge & Spa at Cordillera incident revealed
Just how talented David Stern is to shield.
An admitted adulterer and accused of more,
Kobe shuffled from courtroom to court, much to announcers' galore.

"It's amazing how he's able to shift his focus so quickly!"
Broadcasters fawned, leaving me feeling sickly.
Playing basketball, while being on trial for rape?
would have none of that, though the NBA fitted Kobe for a Superman cape.

A transformation soon commenced,
For which Optimus Prime would have winced.
Kobe's innocent, a family man and shooting for title number four,
is pleased to promote the new No. 24.

He's an MVP, the face of Nike, Vitamin Water and even the USA Team.
Exalted in interviews, features, articles; it almost seems like a scheme.
Did Stern decree of Bryant, no one ever says anything bad?
(Because it certainly looks like his teammates are stewing mad.)

Surely, I'm not the only one who has a strong dislike,
Of the man who's constantly trying to Be Like Mike.
I'd rather see Bryant being humble, and you can call me a dork.
But that's what I'd call Kobe Doin' Work.

Christopher is a Waco, Texas, resident, Editor in Chief of MyBriefs.com, author of the book "Sports Briefs" and the adult writer for the Gab Four. Read more of his solo columns here.

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